Chiste Mal...

Was one of my college nicknames. It's spanish for "bad joke." I earned it junior year because I was prone to so many awkward mishaps. Nothing dangerous... nothing actually tragic... just the kind of dilemmas that are the stuff of sitcoms.

This weekend's adventure was a perfect example. My friend Brian and I found a deal for an hour-long massage for 45 dollars. It was an amazing bargain- and we decided to get together, make brunch and treat ourselves to our coupon on Saturday.

The spa was in Arlington, VA- which is the opposite end of DC from my house. We drove out together and followed the directions to the address. The instructions from the spa said "free parking in the back." We pulled around the back of the building, but it wasn't clear if we were at the right place. "Do you think this is it?" I asked Brian. "Yeah, this is fine!" He replied. "Besides, even if it's not, it's a Saturday, no one will bother your car back here." Fateful last words...

We walked around to the front of the building and headed a few doors down the strip of shops to the spa. Both of us enjoyed a lovely massage, but we came out looking like something the cat dragged in. Every inch of us was slicked up with grease from the massage- including our hair. I looked like I hadn't showered in days. Brian's hair was spiky and slick. We thanked and tipped our masseuse and headed out into the beautiful day.

And as we rounded the corner of the building, of course- the car was gone.

"You have got to be kidding me!" I screamed. And then I broke my lenten resolution of not cursing with a special string of unbridled expletives.

Only when it was too late did we notice the "Private parking, vehicles towed at owner's expense" sign. We called the number. They had my car- but we had about a mile to walk to get to it!

We were an absolute sight to behold. No one should be seen in public as greasy and foul as the two of us were. We had to walk through Arlington's cutest neighborhood that way. Everyone was out eating at restaurants on the patios, ogling curiously at the oily, sweating, perturbed kids in sweatpants.

All's well that ends well- after forking over 115 bucks to a chain-smoking lady guarding the lot, I got my car back. Suddenly the $45 massage had become a $160 afternoon. Whoops! Chiste Mal.

Till the next episode,

Peace and love!

What in the Ham Sandwich

So, even though it says in the Bible you're not supposed to talk about fasting when you're fasting, or complain when you give up stuff and make a big scene of it, I'm breaking that rule for the sake of this post because 1) I think it's got some entertainment value, and 2) I'm looking for some suggestions (the more hilarious, the better.)

Most Lenten seasons past, I've given up all sweets and any form of chocolate, but this Lent I'm adding something else: I've given up cursing. 40 days and 40 nights with no f-bombs, sh-words, d-dash dash dash... basically, anything that I would yell at my students for is off limits for me.

The thing about cursing is that I can turn it off. I do at school every day- but when I get home, I'm a regular foul-mouthed sailor! I'm not particularly proud of it. I like to think of myself as a classy gal. If anything, the last five days have made me realize how frequently I want to call someone something that starts with "mother", or how regularly I yell an expletive over a minor incident (forgetting my cell phone upstairs, dropping a can of peanut butter, etc).

The real challenge here though, is how to replace those words with something that fits in the context without sounding TOTALLY ridiculous. I've been stumbling all over my sentences trying to make it work! The best thing I've come up with so far is saying "wow," to replace "damn." Hot guy walks by: wooooowww. Kid scores a 3% on a test? Wooooow. Stub my toe? Wooowwww!!!

But otherwise, I'm really laboring. "shoot" is working out ok...most of the time. Today I said "shoot the ...shoot" and it failed. Meredith has suggested replacing "b*tch" with "super nice person" every time I'm tempted to use it. The F word has become..."fooie" or "fangul" (which is actually just Italian for F yourself in the A. Thanks for putting that one in my vernacular, mom.)

So my question to you, my readership, is to help me! What are your favorite curse/cuss/swear word replacements? Any family favorites or childhood censorships? I look forward to your suggestions!

Till next week... Peace and Love.

Rainy Days

My roommate Betsy crashed through our front door Sunday afternoon, coming back from a run. "It is straight up Noah's Ark out there!" She yelled from the foyer. She was so soaked she looked like a cartoon character- hair limp and dripping, sweatshirt hanging heavily off her shoulders, feet in pools of water gathering on the floor. She looked totally defeated, and it was hilarious!

Sunday was a rainy, dark day in DC but reminded me why I love living in this city. What is there to do on a Sunday afternoon in the pouring rain anywhere else? Here, the answer is easy. Rainy days are museum days! So that's exactly what I did. And of course, I headed straight for the Dinos at the Natural History museum, my favorite.

The Smithsonian Museum of Natural History NEVER, and I mean NEVER, gets old to a science nerd like me. Every time I go back, there's something new I haven't seen yet. That's probably because I'm normally too distracted by the dinosaur bones to make it anywhere past the first floor. Yesterday, however, I felt like exploring and went upstairs. I found perhaps the most underrated exhibit there- the insect zoo!

The insect zoo was DISGUSTING. It was full of the most enormous, gross bugs I'd ever seen. They looked like the bugs Timon and Pumba eat in the Lion King- or the bugs that popped out of the Oogie-Boogie Man in Nightmare Before Christmas. Brightly colored centepedes as long as a ruler creeped around their cages, and spiders bigger than your palm stared at you. The coolest/grossest of all, however, were the variations on stick bugs and leaf bugs. They were ENORMOUS, so big you could see them breathing! Their camouflage was incredible, and I was humbled by the beauty of their evolution. (I use the term beauty loosely, they were still gross.)

The museum had to kick us out. Personally I think 5:30 is way too early to close! I feel like I'm always getting kicked out of the Smithsonian, but it just means I'll have to go back soon- rain or not.

Peace and Love.

Code Orange Weekend

Georgetown University tried to keep Syracuse Fans out of the Verizon Center Saturday afternoon. But try as they might, the Orange spirit squeezed strong in Washington DC as our boys reined victorious on the court.

Chinatown was insane. The streets were flooded with crazy 'Cuse fans, decked in orange, causing traffic jams and screaming at the top of their lungs. Grumpy Hoyas milled around, trying to avoid the huge alumni base that descended upon the city for the game and took over every bar within walking distance of the Verizon Center. It was a rush, and just like last year, I was so happy to be an Orange. Even though college seems in the distant past, that beautiful title of "alumna" stays with you forever, and the benefits never run out!

At least 16 of my friends from school came to town for the game. A handful of us graduated together, but most of the visitors were still undergrads. I felt old as dirt! It was great to see everyone, especially kids from my fraternity, but there's no denying the huge difference that two years in the real world makes. They say nostalgia is bitter sweet, and I felt that way this weekend. I had a blast with my college friends, but also felt that haunting "You can't go back" feeling. Props to Brian Spendley for throwing a fantastic party and planning the weekend so wonderfully for everybody...

It's on to another busy week- parent teacher conferences, grad school, appointments. Lots of late nights!

Peace and Love.

9:30 Club

Yay DC Bucket List! This week, I finally made it to a concert at DC's famed hipster haven, "The 9:30 Club."

For my western Mass readers, the 9:30 club brought memories rushing back of nights at Northampton's Pearl St. It's a small venue that caters to local, under the radar, or college-station performers. It's located in DC's U street neighborhood, which means it is way "cooler" and "off the beaten path" than many hot spots in the city. From the outside, the building looks unmentionable, almost abandoned. Only a few neon spray-painted parking signs tell you you're at the right place.

The venue isn't large at all. The capacity is for a little more than 1000 people, and there is no seating- just an open floor in front of a small wooden stage. The room felt like a large dance studio, dimly lit except for the purple glow of the stage lights. Fog machines add to the mystic effect of the space. In fact, it is so intimate that microphones aren't entirely necessary, and at times the musicians walked towards the front of stage and sang directly to the crowd. Each side of the wooden floor had a bar, and the back of the venue had a small cafe.

I don't ever pretend to be hip when it comes to music, and I never know about new artists or sweet local bands. But I surround myself with people cooler than me, so they always introduce me to new music. We saw Josh Radin play. He had a gorgeous voice and definitely fit in with my John Mayer "white guy with a guitar" preferences. Apparently, Ellen DeGeneres used one of his songs at her wedding, so you know he's good. Here's a video of him below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyHQQWY5FAU&feature=fvst

I love my city and how much there is to do and see here. There are millions of other music venues to try- we had a great time and resolved to get out and see a concert more often!

Peace and Love.

Reeling, Reflecting, Re-evaluating: The TFA 20th anniversary Summit

I'm not really ready to write this blog post. My brain is still spinning too much, my heart is still beating too fast. This weekend, I attended the Teach For America 20th Anniversary Summit here in DC. I'm never at a loss for words, but I'm struggling to illustrate the emotional magnitude of a weekend that was so extreme and condense an event that was so enormous.

The event, in many ways, paralleled the Teach For America experience itself. 11,000 of the nation's brightest and most passionate leaders descended upon the Convention Center. The number of alumni nation-wide and the work they do, coupled with the extreme displays of heart, innovation and persistence was utterly inspiring. But the hard facts of the crisis in our country leave your soul feeling beaten to a pulp. It's what we struggle with every day in the classroom and in this movement: "This is a solvable problem and I can make a difference," vs. "The problem and the layers behind the problem are so stunningly huge, who am I to do anything?" In 20 years, we've done so much. But in 20 years, we've done nothing at all- the achievement gap has actually grown.

Optimists speaking at the convention repeated a common theme: The difference between now and 20 years ago is that we know what works. 20 years ago there was not one example of turning around a failed school or school district, there were no successful charter models and a good teacher was a rare, natural phenomenon. Now, thanks in great part to the work of TFA'ers nation wide, we have expansive charter school networks defying the odds and obliterating the achievement gap, research about teacher training, and models for successful administration and funding. We have hard data to back up our claims. There was the rallying cry for a revolution at the conference. The theory is that now we know what works, we have to move whoever or whatever is in the way of implementing reforms and saving our kids.

I saw some real spitfires speak at this conference. Among my favorites were classic rebel rousers Joel Klein, Geoffrey Canada, and Michelle Rhee. My new favorite guy was John Deasy. He was the former Superintendent of PG County Public schools and will take over in Los Angeles this year. He was so bold and direct and passionate. I loved him.

It wasn't all dark and serious, though. Personally entertaining moments abounded. Malcolm Gladwell delighted everyone with a taste of nerd humor, but I thought he was upstaged by panelist Gloria Steinem's low cut shirt that flaunted her saggy, braless, 70-year-old feminist boobs. Newly-elected DC Mayor Vince Gray might be the most awkward public speaker I have ever seen. His speech reminded me of the old SNL Will Ferrell sketch about voice immodulation. And of course, no one complained about John Legend live in concert. He.. is.. so.. beautiful.

My friend, Spain roommate, and Mississippi corps member Shana stayed with me for the weekend, but she wasn't the only long lost friend in town. Syracuse friends, Massachusetts friends, institute friends, people I have not seen for years- all under the same roof. It's so funny how my paths have diverged and reconnected with people under the TFA umbrella. It was impossible to see everyone I wanted between sessions, job fairs, dinners, and speakers.

I am exhausted and this post is already too long. Another busy week is ahead. Happy Singles' Awareness day to everyone tomorrow!

Peace and Love.

Gecko Drama

I preface this entry by saying: I understand that geckos are not capable of love. I know that Geeky doesn't know me and will never wag his tail or bark for my attention. I know that he is not capable of higher level thought and that he's just a stupid lizard. But I've had him since my freshman year of college- and he's listened to a lot of boy problems and witnessed a lot of drama. He's been a source of entertainment for family and friends, he's been a muse for artists, and he's my special little dino. So when he got sick this month, I wasn't going to let him suffer. I had to take him to the vet and make my little friend well!

Geeky stopped eating a few weeks ago, and I knew that was a bad sign. He's done this before- a few years ago, he got hook worm and needed parasitic treatment. It was dramatic to treat him then too. Do you know how many vets laugh at you when you ask if they'll see a gecko? Parasites were my first suspicion, but then I noticed that his left eye seemed cloudy. I called my dad, who said it sounded like it could be a bacterial infection of some sort and that I should get him to the vet right away. Honestly, how long can a gecko withstand systemic bacterial infection?

After many calls, I finally found Dr. Stahl in Fairfax, VA and headed out Thursday night through rush hour traffic to Fairfax . Dr. Stahl was the answer to my prayers to St. Francis. As soon as I walked into the practice, I knew I was in good hands. There were gorgeous framed National Geographic-style photos of lizards on the walls. There were statues of birds, reptiles, and turtles adorning arboretum in the middle of the office. And best of all, the walls were tiled to look like reptile skin!

Dr. Stahl was so caring and compassionate to my little friend. He is a famous reptile doctor, so he had interns from all over the country studying with him and checking out little Geeky! I asked him to teach me anything he could and he was very generous with his time. He drew me diagrams, showed me different parts of Geeky's anatomy, and explained to me every in and out of Geeky's illness.

As it turns out, Geeky is a girl. And Geeky wanted to lay some eggs! Her belly was swollen with two pea-sized, half grown eggs that were responsible for depleting levels of Vitamin A in her system. The brand of reptile vitamins I use didn't have sufficient Vitamin A to replace it, and so her immune system began to fail and she fell prey to natural bacteria in her own system. Her little mouth was swollen and infected, her eye was infected, and she also had skin problems. All needed mini-surgery, so the doctor drained the infection in her mouth, cleaned out her eye, and removed the dead skin from her face and feet.

My poor little Geek was exhausted by the end of the night, and so was I. I loved learning about reptile medicine, but am embarrassed to report that watching my friend bleed left me a little faint and nauseous. At one point the doctor joked, "Are you ok, mom?" I'm sure I was pale and clammy! I don't know how I'm ever going to have children. Geek (whom I will now refer to as "she") is on a system of antibiotics, vitamins and creams and we are hoping for a full recovery. She is shedding her skin today so I gave her a warm bath and have been doting on her incessantly.

My dad wanted to know how many new geckos I could have bought with the bill from the vet. I told him that is NOT the point! Thanks to everyone who's had a smile and a thought for me and Geek this week. A pet is a pet and you don't become a pet owner to let them suffer or give up on them when they're sick. Peace and Love- I will update you all about her progress soon!