There have been a lot of "10 Things they won't tell you at Graduation" type articles going around. After all, 'tis the season! I am 25, and I graduated college three years ago. I feel that these three years have imparted enough wisdom on me that I am as qualified to write an advice column to graduating seniors as anybody else! As a matter of fact, if you follow my advice below, you will become wealthy, healthy, have an amazing body and social life, and your dream job!!!
Sort of. Actually not really at all. But I do think that I've picked up a few things along the way, both via my own experience and by watching all of my friends for the last few years on their various post-grad life paths. I've had some major mess-ups, but on the whole, I've learned a lot and there are definitely some things I wish I knew back in 2009. So here goes!
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1. MOVE OUT OF YOUR PARENTS' HOUSE. When I was graduating in 2009, my class was entering the worst job market since the great depression. I was part of for
ABC national news piece filmed at Syracuse about how none of us could find jobs. A lot of my friends moved in with their parents to "save money." We are now entering our fourth year out of college, and many of them are still living in their parents' basements. My friends and I who moved away agree that we feel lightyears apart maturity-wise from our friends at home. There is just so much growing up that happens when you have to be responsible for your own rent check, groceries and laundry. These things seem like burdens, but that independence is actually wonderful. My friends whom I know that still live at home are generally down on themselves, feel trapped, and have no social lives or dating lives. They complain all of the time. Get out! You can do it!
On this topic, I should also say that getting out from under your parents' roof is not contingent on you having a salaried job. Salaries make things easier, but you don't need one to make your own way somewhere. I have friends from NYC to LA who made the interim time work in all kinds of interesting ways: living on an Americorps stipend, working as a male nanny, taking random catering jobs while working at an unpaid internship, temping. It is possible, and while it seems harder, trust me, you will be happier than your friends living at home. As my friend Justin Liang (who risked it all and moved to LA to pursue his dreams in film) used to say: "Ramen noodles taste better when you're looking at the Hollywood sign." It's true!
2. GET A JOB. Listen to me carefully: It does NOT have to be your dream job. Your plans and whatever you want to do right now probably aren't going to work out. To some extent, you have to kind of go with the flow, keep your nose in the right direction, and see what happens. But any job is better than no job. I graduated with a degree in Public Relations from a journalism school and then started my career as a high-school Spanish teacher. Now, I work using my PR skills and my knowledge of the education system to fundraise for a tiny women's college that mostly serves minorities. I have lunch tomorrow with an 102-year-old potential donor. At some point in my life I thought I was going to be working in major league baseball, but instead I'm having lunch with a 102-year old. And guess what? I am very, very happy. This job is something I didn't know existed when I graduated college and I had no POSSIBLE way of knowing I'd end up here, but here I am. And it's all good.
3. GET A JOB. THEN GET ANOTHER JOB. Your twenties are the most glorious time of your life. No parents, total independence, and your only responsibilities are to work, and play! No kids, no house, no nothing. It really really rules. Except that you're also kind of poor in your twenties. A salary doesn't go that far when you have ridiculous city rents to pay and taxes and car repairs and all that. So get another job that is for play money only. I babysit, it's phenomenal. Most cities have a huge babysitter void because no one with teenagers lives in the city, and wealthy parents love having babysitters that are older and responsible and have college education. I used sittercity.com and had great luck with it and so have my friends. But you don't HAVE to babysit. I have friends that wait tables, tutor, bartend- you name it. That extra cash is what makes taking a cab home at night or going out to a fancy cocktail bar ok and guilt free.
4. JOIN A GYM IMMEDIATELY AND GO. Everyone knows about the Freshman 15, but fewer people tell you about the Fresh-outta-college 15. Allow me to explain. When you are in college, you have a dining hall with a beautiful salad bar and tons of fresh-made options every day. When you get out of college, you have a lot of mac n cheese and carry-out chinese and happy hour bar food (more on that later.) When you are in college, you are walking around a big campus a lot, and when you're out of college, you sit stagnant at a desk all day. College is light beer at 100 cals a pop, adulthood is fancy cocktails at 600 cals a pop. Get the picture? There are a lot of contributing factors to why you will gain weight and become even more unhealthy after college than you were in college, and my first piece of advice to you in this department is to not stop exercising. I refused to join a gym after college because it seemed expensive, and I figured that my 20-minute aerobic videos on Netflix were doing the trick once or twice a week. At a certain point enough is enough and I had to stop lying to myself. It's been a slow and painful process getting back on the exercise and healthy eating track, and if I had not fallen off in the first place I don't think it would be this tough. Invest in the money for a gym and make it a priority!
5. LEARN HOW TO COOK. This is another factor that will help battle the Fresh-outta-college 15. Remember how much you complained about dining hall food? Well let me tell you. Once you have to be responsible for your own groceries and meals, you will yearn for the days of 20 meal options from locally sourced produce and unlimited yogurt cups and cereal selections. (News flash: Cereal is like, $4 a box! You get to pick one for the week! One!! How I miss thee, Syracuse cereal dispensers.) When you are out of college, and especially if you are living in a city, you will accidentally eat out all of the time. If you start calculating how often you buy lunch, meet friends for dinner, have brunch with your roomies, you will cry at how much money you are spending and how many calories you are downing. Restaurant food and portions are bad for you. I'm going to confess something to you here so you may learn from my mistakes: One time I decided to calculate how much money I spent on food or drinks in a month that did not come from a grocery store. It was $400. That is DISGUSTING. I have since changed my ways. You don't have to know "how to cook" to start learning how to cook. Everyone starts from somewhere. Invest in a good set of knives, a non-stick skillet, and a saucepan. Also buy a volume of Rachel Ray's Express Lane Meals cookbook series, because she talks to you like the uneducated chef you are, and her food is tasty, healthy and cheap.
6. MAKE A BUDGET AND STICK TO IT/ START SAVING MONEY. It is utterly shocking where your money goes when you are on your own. I cannot stress this point enough. Things stack up and "a little here a little there" really drains you. Someone suggested that I start using mint.com, and I love it. It tracks how much you spend in each category each month and warns you when you are about to go over. So if you say you're going to only spend $100 at bars per month, you can track it, and it will text you with a warning that you are getting close! Pretty amazing stuff. As you are making your budget, automatically take out a certain amount for savings each month, and also start something called a "Roth IRA." This is a retirement plan that we can only do now in our 20's, when we're still pretty poor. If you start making a certain salary, you can't put any more money in it, so the time is now! The reason this retirement account is cool is because it's tax-free, and almost every other retirement account is not. Also, when you tell old people you have one, they get very excited and tell you how brilliant you are for saving so early and how much this is going to mean to you down the road. I don't really get how it works, but since I like approval from old people, and also want to have enough money to travel the world as an old lady myself, I'd say this is a good thing to do.
7. DATE A LOT. But don't be a slut or a man-slut. There's a lot to be said on this topic, except that my grandparents and parents read this blog so I won't get into gory details. You can just watch the HBO show "Girls" to get the idea. What I will say is this: I am very convinced that part of the growing up process is going on lots of dates with lots of types of people, because it helps you know yourself better and what you want out of a life partner. I do not, however, recommend making poor, impulsive decisions regarding these people you date. People do this in the name of being young and having fun, or because they are lonely, but eventually you are going to find someone whom you fall in love with, and you're going to have to tell them about your poor decisions, and that conversation sucks. Also, get over your fears and try online dating. Every one of my friends has at least tried it once. In the very least you get some good stories out of it, and in more than a few cases, you will find someone very special.
8. BE VERY CAREFUL WHEN CHOOSING YOUR LIVING SITUATION. When you leave college, you will likely have roommates. In many ways, roommates are great and a key part of the twenty-something social scene. But it's just not the same as in college. Some part of you WILL start to grow up and will NOT want the sink to be filled with maggot-infested 2-week-old dishes (you're a cook now, remember!) Give a lot of thought to the personality types and lifestyles of the people you are about to live with or you will slowly sink into a living hell of hair in the shower drain and creepy roommates with subscriptions to samurai sword catalogues. A quick list of things to avoid: Weird roommates from craigslist, co-ed living situations, people in serious relationships when you are not, slobs, people who work totally opposite shifts from you, people that have very different financial situations than you. I could write a whole blog post on this alone but I will not. It's common sense. You're a big person, if something looks or feels off, do not live there or you will regret it. Also, if the rent is too low, or seems too good to be true, run. There are probably bedbugs.
9. GET RELIGIOUS. When I first graduated college, I stopped going to church because I was "busy." This is a lie, everyone has time to go to church if they want to. And by church, I don't mean "church" if that's not what you do. A lot of people I know get spiritual by taking a moment of peace and gratitude for themselves in some other way- a yoga class, meditation, journaling, etc. But if you are a religious person, skipping this part of the week probably makes you feel guilty on some level, and neglecting your spiritual side is just as bad for you as neglecting your physical health or mental health. Just like those parts of you, the spiritual part of you needs to be exercised- this may sound terrible, but going to church for me has kind of been like going to the gym. I don't usually want to do it at the time, I make up a lot of excuses, sometimes I skip, but whenever I go I never regret it and I usually leave there feeling pretty good. Psychologists say that for people to be happy, four needs must be fed: work, play, love, and faith. That's not my opinion, that's science. We spend a lot of time on the first three, but why not the fourth? Whatever you chose to do in this category, be consistent and real about it.
10. LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS- MOST OF THE TIME. They know a lot about careers, relationships, and friends. Whatever drama you're going through, they've already been through. If they don't like something you're doing, they may have a point because they know you better than anyone in the world and they love you more than anyone in the world. They can help you learn to cook and how to get out tough stains. They can teach you how to do your taxes and invest in stocks. They will tell you when you're in a bad relationship, be it romantic or friendship. They know a whole lot, and they deserve your respect. But, when they advise you to move to the suburbs of whatever awesome city you are rocking out in your 20's because you'll get more square footage for your rent, don't do that, because that is lame. Sorry mom.
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Whew! There you have it- the complete guide to love, money, career, health and beauty for being 25. Congratulations, class of 2012! I can't wait to read this blog post five years from now and laugh at what is sure to be such naive words of wisdom!
Peace and love.
