Disillusionment phase

Last night I fell asleep at 7:30 pm.

Straight up DEAD. On the couch. Before Jeopardy had even started.

What is going on with my life?!?!

Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to the disillusionment stage of a Teach For America teacher. The adrenaline from the first month has worn off. The newness and excitement is over. You know your students' names, you know the layout of the school. Now, you're just part of the grind. But it's a grind that has no end, no break, and no relief in sight till Thanksgiving.

There's always something else to do. Entering grades, going to meetings, lesson planning, grad school, creating tests, taking care of bills, paperwork, paperwork paperwork! I'm working investment banker hours on a teacher salary. They say it's all worth it when you don't have to work for 8 weeks in the summer. They say it's all worth it when you've got a Master's degree and the salary to follow. I hope they're right! But for right now, I'm cranky, tired, and jealous of everyone working a 9-5.

I don't know if it's the hours that are getting to me. I didn't have the same kind of run-down depression when I worked in LA at a similar schedule. I know that the true success stories in life are those who go above and beyond the 9-5. My dad has never known a 40 hour week in his life. Maybe it's the emotional aspect of this job? Everything depends on you, there's nothing else to blame if you have a bad day. Or maybe I'm just another bitter college grad remembering my life a few short months ago as I scan friends' facebook pages.

I know, I know. I have a blessed and perfect life and everything I could ask for. I am reminded of that daily when I witness some of my students' struggles. But when you feel this burned out, you're allowed to write one whiney blog post!

Crankily yours,
Tori